Chapter Thirty-Six: Ten Thousand Emoji Packs

Why was Ren Qian watching Wan Feng’s concerts and interview videos? Because today, after browsing through the heated quarrels between his own fans and Wan Feng’s fans on Weibo, he felt as though something was missing. He wandered back and forth without any clue, until just now, when he tried to send an emoji, he suddenly realized that the Empire of the Chinese Charter had no memes at all!

This was absolutely unacceptable.

Rage comics, Zhang Han memes, Kim Director memes, Er Kang memes, Huang Zitao memes, Teletubbies memes, wuli Taotao memes—how much joy have they brought us?

These memes, vivid in both image and text, are the result of creators’ wild imaginations, exaggerating the expressions of the characters to the point of absurdity and mischief. The short captions are both accurate and evocative, making people laugh uncontrollably in front of their screens.

Over time, these memes, developed by hundreds of millions of Chinese netizens, became a profound and complex discipline. Their content is rich, touching on current hot topics and famous figures (including President Xi), and one could say that all the amusing happenings of the empire are distilled into these tiny images.

…

In his previous life, a variety of memes were must-have items for chatting on QQ groups and WeChat circles. If you wanted to blend in, you needed at least dozens, if not hundreds, of meme pictures to have a say.

For instance, someone might post a picture of Lady Rong with a ferocious expression, accompanied by the caption: “You little brat, keep making noise and I’ll sell you to a brothel!”

How would you respond?

You certainly wouldn’t foolishly type out a dry line of text—that would be humiliating. The proper way, of course, is to reciprocate—with a meme.

Your reply could be: a picture of a tomboy kicking a bit-part actor in the groin, his face twisted in agony, with a handprint on his cheek, blood at the corner of his mouth, eyes swollen, sobbing with pursed lips; above that, the tomboy asks nonchalantly: “Oh, really?”

If someone in the group was especially narcissistic, often posting suave photos of Kim Fatty with a slick middle part, his chubby face covered in flamboyant lipstick marks, and the caption: “Being so handsome is a crime, I’m exhausted!”

What would you do then? Naturally, you’d reply with a picture!

You could immediately follow with a meme: Uncle Lei Feng posing with a rifle, but his handsome face swapped with the twisted visage of Kim Director.

The whole image then conveys—Kim Director’s bodyguard, equal parts lewd and mad, declares: “Protecting you idiots is my lifelong mission.”

Then you could follow up with another meme: a conspicuous grassy grave, two Kim Directors dancing madly beside it, with the caption: “Once my old friend was as awesome as you, now his grave is lush with grass.”

…

These pictures brim with comedic sense and humor. They tease the atmosphere and fill everyone’s meme collections, making for endless fun. Even if there’s conflict, someone just shouts “meme battle,” and you go back and forth, dissolving tension in laughter.

Unlike now, where insults devolve into ancestral curses and vulgar attacks on vital organs.

For all these reasons, Ren Qian wanted to benefit the countless netizens of this land—by recreating the wildly popular memes from his previous life.

Regarding meme creation, Ren Qian felt compelled to introduce some high-end techniques.

The first essential skill—the Ultra Precision Nostril Editing technology!

Our familiar Er Kang is a prime victim of this technique. Pictures of Er Kang sobbing his heart out frequently go viral on social networks.

Some deranged meme creators accentuate his nostrils, which, though somewhat crude, undeniably shatter your laughter threshold with ease.

Naturally, Ren Qian wouldn’t spare Wan Feng.

In the first screenshot, Wan Feng is smiling with a microphone, his expression so mischievous it rivals Asia’s four meme emperors. Ren Qian taps away at his keyboard, expertly applying the Ultra Precision Nostril Editing, enlarging and blackening Wan Feng’s nostrils until they shine. Finally, he adds a bold caption: “Hahaha, I laughed so hard I wet myself!”

The first piece completed, Ren Qian turned to look—damn, Wan Feng really had the makings of a meme emperor.

A triumphant start~

Onward.

The second technique—Cross-Species Hybridization!

For example, the internet once loved to photoshop Professor Du and a Shiba Inu together, resulting in a big-eyed Shiba Inu wearing Professor Du’s signature wig, gazing at you with a forty-five degree, mischievous look; dumb-cute and a bit uncanny, much like Zhang Han’s grinning face that sticks in your mind.

All in all, the picture is so distorted it’s hard to look directly at it.

Ren Qian didn’t forget this classic method. He forcibly erased half of Wan Feng’s face, searched online for an unbearably ugly dog, clipped its grotesque face, and pasted it onto Wan Feng’s remaining half.

With a bit of post-processing, the picture became seamless. Thus, a bizarre meme of King Wan and a clown dog, naturally fused, burst onto the scene.

The image made Ren Qian laugh so hard he nearly choked.

Now he felt a bit guilty.

Is this too vicious? After all, in the coming years, these memes will sweep across the land, spreading daily on Weibo and other social networks... With King Wan so eager for attention, would he end up crying happily in the bathroom from such overwhelming presence?

No matter—happiness comes first.

The third technique—3D Laser Editing!

This one is rarely seen, because it’s so high-tech. But high-tech is no obstacle for Ren Qian.

He found a screenshot of Wan Feng glaring fiercely at his concert, then sourced two laser-emitting images from a military enthusiast website and embedded them into Wan Feng’s eyes.

The completed meme even startled Ren Qian himself—two beams of laser seem to shoot beyond the image, perfectly matching Wan Feng’s exaggerated expression. Everything is clear without words.

Ren Qian clicked his tongue in amazement; this guy Wan Feng was born to be a meme!

Thus, he made memes with ever greater delight.

The fourth technique is Mental Assault!

This method is direct and crude.

Take our dumb-cute yet mischievous Shiba Inu as an example. A Shiba Inu gazing at forty-five degrees won’t achieve the desired psychological effect. What you need to do is clip out the Shiba Inu’s eyes and black nose, rotate them thirty degrees, and overlay them onto the original image.

Then, rotate the clipped Shiba Inu thirty degrees again and overlay it onto the previous image.

Repeat this process until the entire image, at every angle, is covered with the Shiba Inu’s gaze...

At first glance, you see a thousand-eyed monster dog. But looking closer, you realize—damn, it’s just a dog! Then, you can’t help but rotate your screen, comparing each variation.

After you finish, you sigh—damn, it’s the same dog, the same expression!

Wait!

Holy crap, why did I suddenly lose my mind and rotate the screen to compare them?

At this point, your mind collapses—yes, that’s the effect we’re after.

Ren Qian laughed until his stomach hurt, energetically opened the folder and scanned it—inside, it was packed full of Wan Feng’s screenshots. And his meme-making skills were far from exhausted.

So, onward!

King Wan, I promise to give you a huge surprise—don’t be too anxious~